(Creepy
theme music)
Narrator:
(in creepy voice) Good evening…ahem(cough).
Narrator: (in normal voice) Good evening. Welcome to our home. It’s a typical, white farmhouse that you
might see driving down a back country road in near Appomattox, Virginia. You can imagine the place…old, wobbly columns
holding up the front porch, in need of a new paint job…you might possibly even
see it listed on the Abandoned in Virginia Facebook page, but it’s not
abandoned. At least not yet.
Narrator: Our house was built in the late 1700s, the
actual date is unknown, due to a fire in the courthouse that destroyed all the
records back in 1852. What we do know is
that it was built by a farmer for his new wife after the Revolutionary War had
ended. That farmer must have been very
optimistic about the future of his country and his family to come because it is
a rather big home with 7 fireplaces and 12 rooms. Did he live to a grand old age with many
grandchildren filling up those rooms?
Did he live to see the War of Northern Aggression decimate his fields
and destroy his homeland? Only the house
knows those secrets.
(Door Slams)
Woman:
(calling out) Honey? I’m home. Where are you?
Narrator:
(calling back) Back here.
(footsteps)
Woman: What
are you doing back here?
Narrator:
Oh, just telling my new friends about our house.
Woman:
What’s there to tell? It’s old, it’s
falling down around us, and it’s totally awesome. I mean, I can’t believe we actually get to
live in a piece of history. Sure, we
battle termites on a daily basis, and the dry rot! Don’t let me get started on the dry rot, but
it really is so cool that we actually live here!
Narrator:
Yeah, (yawning) it’s especially cool when the disembodied footsteps and strange
banging start at sunset and go all night long.
Woman: You
can’t expect to live in a house this old and not share it with a few
ghosts. I think it adds to the charm of
the place.
Narrator:
Charming is not exactly what I’d call it…
(music
segue)
Narrator:
When Wendy found this house for sale six months ago. She was really excited about it. She’d grown up in an old house in Southern
Jersey and had what I called Old House Envy.
Whenever we drove down any rural back road, she was always looking out
the window for the perfect house, a house with character. I humored her. Wendy is the love of my life, and I’d do
anything for her, including moving my big screen TV into this heap which only
seems to receive the A & E and Lifetime Network clearly.
(squeaky
wooden stairs)
Narrator: (whispering) Did you hear that? That’s the overture to tonight’s concert
performance.
Girl: (clatter
of footsteps) Dad! Mom says you need to
stop messing around back here and come for dinner.
Narrator: (chuckles) Okay. Wonder what we’re having?
Girl:
(laughing) Whatever it is we’ve got to eat it, so it’s better not to ask too
many questions.
Narrator: (laughing)
How did you get to be so wise?
Girl: I
don’t know, I guess I was born that way.
(Music
Segue)
Narrator: It
all started quite soon after we moved in.
Strange bumps in the night, footsteps on the stairs, weird electrical
problems. The smell of lilacs in the
dining room and cigar smoke in the den.
Old fashioned piano music coming from the parlor, and we don’t have a
piano. Nothing threatening, and you
could almost believe it was all in your head.
Living in an old space, a person naturally believes there must be
ghosts, so you create ghosts in your mind.
The problem was it wasn’t in our minds…
(creaky wood
floor, footsteps. Soft piano notes
continue)
Narrator:
Julie, our 12 year old, has always had a vivid imagination, so when she started
having waking dreams of a couple in Revolutionary and Civil War era clothing
sitting in her room, well, we weren’t too concerned. She seemed happy enough to talk with them for
a few minutes in the middle of the night and then go back to sleep, but it now
… I don’t know…
Narrator:
Julie used to jump up in the mornings, wide awake, around 6 am. You could set your alarm by her. She’d wake up, climb out of bed happy and
alert. Now, it’s all we can do to get
her up and ready for school. She’s tired
and cranky, often falling back asleep if we don’t make sure she’s up. Wendy says Julie is almost a teenager, and we
have to expect hormonal changes like this, but I’m not sure that’s all there is
to it.
(loud bang,
footsteps continue)
Narrator: I don’t know if you can hear all these noises
behind me. This basically goes on all
night. The house is settling, that’s
what our contractor says, but it sounds more like it’s waking up.
(creaky door
opening)
(Phone
ringing)
Woman:
Hello? (Pause) Yes, Dr. Ferguson. Thank you for returning my call. (pause) Yes, well we’ve recently moved into
the house and there have been some strange occurrences in the last few months. (pause)
Yes, Dr. Ferguson, I understand you have a very busy schedule. Is there any way you could fit us in the next
few weeks? (pause) Oh, thank you! Yes, next Friday. Of course we will meet you at the house. Do you have the address? (pause) Yes, thank you again.
(hanging up)
Narrator: Who was that?
Woman: Oh, Dr. Ferguson works at Longwood
University. She teaches classes about
the psychology of the afterlife or something.
She has a team of investigators who look into problems like the ones we
have here in the house. I thought we’d
all feel a little better if she came and told us we had nothing to worry about.
(door slams,
footsteps)
Narrator:
What if she tells us we should be worried though?
(music
segue)
Narrator: The week passed in a haze of strange
occurrences. Our cat would hiss at
nothing, her eyes focused sharply at something we couldn’t see. Julie continued to have strange dreams. The regular bumps, bangs, footsteps seemed to
get louder as the electronics in our home continued to malfunction. One day, our dishwasher wouldn’t work so we
had a technician stop by our house. When
he tried it, it ran fine. Another day,
the television kept turning on by itself to a marathon of Duck Dynasty. At first it was annoying, but after watching a few
episodes of hillbilly histrionics, I got angry.
Narrator: I stormed over to the TV and yanked the plug
from the wall, and shouted “ha! What are you going to do now, huh?” I stalked back to the sofa, sat down smugly,
and the TV started up again. (pause)
WITHOUT BEING PLUGGED IN.
Narrator: I
decided it was time to go out for a walk and left the house. I won’t say I ran, but I did walk fast.
Narrator: Finally, Friday arrived and Dr. Ferguson and
her team with it. Dr. Ferguson is a
tall, pleasant looking young woman. Her
team was made up of slightly overweight under-graduates with thick nerdy
glasses and a lot of technical equipment.
They started unloading extension cords and looking for wall
sockets. I tried to explain that the
electricity was iffy at best when Duck
Dynasty started up on the TV again.
I just sighed and walked away.
Our ghosts had terrible taste in television, and I was a bit
embarrassed.
Dr.
Ferguson: I’d like for you all to sit down and tell me a bit about what is
going on in your home, please. When did you
notice the strange activity?
Woman: Almost immediately after we moved in. Maybe even the first night.
Girl: I had a bad dream the first night. I was on the battlefield, you know in
Appomattox. It was a lot like the movie
they show in the visitor’s center except bloodier. I woke up and there was this woman by my bed
in a big, poufy skirt saying, “shhhh….you’re alright. Sweet dreams now.”
Narrator:
The footsteps woke us the first night.
Up the stairs, down the hall, right outside of our bedroom door. I’d hold my breath waiting for the door to
open, but it never did.
Woman: It didn’t have to open, he just walked
through the closed door and into our room.
Dr.
Ferguson: He?
Woman: Oh, he’s tall, wearing high boots and a black
jacket. He’s looking for something in
the closet, I think. He comes up the
stairs, through the door, into the closet, and back out. He seems angry when he doesn’t find what he’s
looking for.
Narrator: (muttering) He probably wants the remote for
the TV so he can watch more Duck Dynasty.
Woman:
(aside to Narrator) Shush…
Dr.
Ferguson: It doesn’t sound like you are
getting a whole lot of sleep at night.
Narrator: No, you’re right. We haven’t and that has made a grumpy and
irritable at work. But if middle school teachers aren’t grumpy and irritable,
the kids would get suspicious that we were really aliens.
Woman: We
were hoping you could help us. We don’t
want to get rid of the spirits or ghosts; they have a right to live, or
whatever, here as much as we do, but we’d like a more peaceful co-existence.
Dr.
Ferguson: Have you been doing any work
on the house? Renovations or
restorations? Sometimes that stirs up
activity.
Narrator: We were waiting until June to start fixing
the place up. It needs a lot of work,
but we haven’t had the time to start.
Dr.
Ferguson: Just having a family move in can be upsetting to spirits, and add in
a hormonal teenager, and two stressed out parents…well, it can cause a
mess. All those emotional energies need
time to settle down and get used to one another.
(high whiny
mechanical squeal begins and continues)
Nerdy
Assistant: Uh, Dr. Ferguson?
Dr.
Ferguson: Yes, Arnold?
Nerdy
Assistant: I think you need to take a look this. The EMF detector is going crazy and the
motion detector keeps going off in the other room. The TV keeps turning on by itself to –
Narrator:
(interrupting) Duck Dynasty.
Nerdy
Assistant: Yes, and we think we’ve caught a voice on our digital recorder
already.
Dr.
Ferguson: Can you understand what it’s saying?
Nerdy
Assistant: It seems pretty clear. I’ll play it back for you on the computer.
EVP:
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Dr.
Ferguson: Yes, yes, I see that is very clear.
Narrator:
WHAT? What did you hear in that
gibberish? Play it again for me.
EVP:
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Dr. Ferguson:
What do you think it is saying?
Narrator: I think it is saying it’s hungry and it’s
stomach is growling. It isn’t saying
anything.
Dr.
Ferguson: Oh no, I can very clearly hear
a man’s voice saying “Grant.”
Woman: That must be his name!
Narrator: Or the name of a Yankee General.
Julie:
(excited) Or maybe he wants us to call Ghost Hunters? You know, Jay and Grant? We could be on TV! That would be fun!
Dr.
Ferguson: Let’s not get ahead of
ourselves. We need to see what else the
investigation turns up before we jump to any conclusions. We need to conduct ourselves in a scientific
and professional manner.
Narrator:
Just as she said that, the lights went out, and the darkness was shattered by a
horrific scream of torment.
(scream)
Nerdy
Assistant: Um, Dr. Ferguson, are you okay?
Dr.
Ferguson: Oh my, I’m so sorry. I guess
with all the excitement… (peters off)
Woman:
Honey, do you think you can get the lights on for us?
Narrator: I stumbled through the house, tripping over
all the cords and devices the Dr. Ferguson’s team had set up. I set off the motion detectors and who know
what else, so it took me a long time to get to the circuit box in the basement.
Finally, I flipped the switches back on, and the lights blindingly came on. I turned around to start back up the stairs
and almost walked right through the man standing behind me.
Narrator: He was as tall as me, about 6’4” which
surprised me because weren’t people from back then all short? I’ve been to a bunch of historic house and in
every bedroom is this tiny little bed, and the docents always say that improper
nutrition kept people short, so why is this guy so tall. And while I’m thinking about historic beds,
probably because I’m in shock at seeing this ghost standing behind me in a
creepy basement, this guy kind of smirks at me like he knows what I’m thinking,
and disappears.
Narrator: Disappears is probably the wrong word. He didn’t disappear in a blink of an eye, but
kind of slowly evaporated into the air, and I was left alone in the basement. It was only after that I realized the hairs
on the back of my neck were raised and the basement air, while always cool, was
down-right freezing. I high-tailed it
back up to join the rest of the group where there is safety in numbers.
Narrator: When I got back to the well-light kitchen
where everyone had gathered. Dr.
Ferguson was fanning herself with a magazine and sipping iced tea. Julie looked sleepy and Wendy was looking at
Dr. Ferguson a little suspiciously.
Nerdy
Assistant: Dr. Ferguson, were all set for our investigation. Should we let the family head out for their
hotel and begin?
Dr.
Ferguson: (weakly, then pulling herself together) Yes…Yes, Arnold. That’s a good idea. Wendy, why don’t you and your family let us
do our investigation and then we’ll talk again tomorrow.
Narrator: I wasn’t so sure about leaving Dr. Ferguson
alone in our house with her nerdy minions, but what choice did I have? At least I would get a good night’s sleep
tonight at the Comfort Inn out on Route 460.
(car door slams)
Narrator: As we drove away from our home, I wondered
what this investigation would let us know.
Who was in our house? What did
they want? How could we help them? Could we live
with the spirits and share house serenely? And most importantly, could
we figure out a way to change the TV to any other station than A & E?
Narrator: I
guess you and I both will have to wait and see.
(Creepy
Theme Music)
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